For months (actually, probably years), I've had a notion of writing and filming a short movie. As it stands it would be a very short movie, lacking as it does script, actors, or indeed, camera upon which to film. I don't have any firm ideas for a movie, no thoughts of a plot, settings, characters or anything else, other than the desire to do it. This desire has been joined of late to make some kind of 'webumentary' (which I'm sure has to be an actual word by now, if it isn't, you read it here first, folks!) series, although again, I'm not sure what about, although I did have a vague idea that doing a 'Rough Guide to Fife' might be fun.
The idea would be to drive around Fife, go to some of the little villages which never really get mentioned (and of course, those who do) and just do a 5-10 minute piece on some interesting, and hopefully funny, facts about the place. This idea was inspired in no small part by Anstruther. Home of the famous chippy. Not only is Anstruther (or Ainster, if you are a local) famous for the Anstruther Fish Bar (which has been visted by royalty, Hollywood superstars and, of course, me), but it was, in the 18th century, also the home of 'The Beggar's Benison', or to give it it's full name, The Most Ancient and Most Puissant Order of the Beggar's Benison and Merryland, Anstruther. It was a gentleman's club, devoted to 'the convivial celebration of male sexuality', so in other words, a good old shaggin' club! It had the worthies of the locale as it's members, and would meet to dine, to drink and to swap bawdy tales, review the cub stock of pornography. Remember, these were the dark days before the Internet, before VCRs, before 8mm projectors, hell, before Daguerrotypes, even (as an aside, how long do you think it was after Louis Daguerre invented his photographic process before he was round at a local girl's going "awww, come one, it'll be artistic, honest, I won't show them to anyone else, you can keep your skirt on, just whip your top off..."). The club also had "Posture Girls" who were there for the members to look at. Anyone think that look was all they did? Nah, me neither.
One of the most bizarre rituals was the initiation of new members, which involved, I'm sure amongst much else, the new initiate to be
"...prepared in a closet, by causing his penis to be propelled to full erection. When it was thus ready, he was escorted with with four puffs of the breath-horn before the brethren and Knighthood, and was ordered by the Sovereign to place his genitals upon the Testing Platter, which was covered by a folded white napkin. The members and Knights two and two came round in a state of erection, and touched the novice tip to tip..."Needless to say, you don't get that carry on at the local golf club! It's these stories and anecdotes which I think are worth telling. Little snippets of history, which show some of the characters of the time. Another example would be a little known nail-maker from Easy Wemyss, who, when his livelihood was ruined by the industrialisation of the nailmaking industry, upped his family and decanted them into one of the famous Wemyss Caves in the 18th century.
The more I think about it, the more I quite like the idea. It would give me the chance to do some research, find out some interesting but pointless trivia (something which I'm sure everyone who knows me will agree, I have some kind of innate capacity for pointless trivia!), and who knows, something vaguely entertaining may come out as a result.
Anyone fancy joining me on this little venture?
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